Can you tell me if this poem is ok?

Its for my english class, its what age you would like to be:

閳ユ窔 want to be 5 not 15!閳?

That閳ユ獨 when she shrunk,

Her black tedious outfit changed to a shocking pink ballerina dress.

Hair that once used to be sleek, straight and brown,

Disappeared, into a ruffling piece of mess.

Worries that she had before,

Vanished,

Dark bags that lay under her eccentric eyes,

Vanished,

Spots that erupted yellow pus,

Vanished.

That閳ユ獨 when she talked,

Her voice tweaked higher.

In came her tantrums, out went her sulking,

Her trademark made a comeback, 閳ユゲiar, liar bums on fire閳?

Her innocent behaviour,

Returned,

Puppy dog eyes that hypnotised you,

Returned,

Cheeky smile that would make you glow,

Returned.

Being five is a dream,

It閳ユ獨 the age where you are free,

No-one will label you.

You can play, cry and scream,

It doesn閳ユ獩 matter,

Just don閳ユ獩 be ungrateful like me.

Can you tell me if this poem is ok?

Brill!

My english teacher has been teaching me to mark papers and essays resently (because I'm all prepared for my GCSE's and she has about 300 year 8 essays to mark which are rather poorly written tbh!) And on first reading I was wowed!

The repetition of Vanashed and Returned really add the emphasis, and I love the way that in those two parts they are oppisits. Espessially the description of your eyes!

And I love the way you ended the poem

"don't be ungrateful like me" Really changed the whole meaning of the poem for me.

Fantasic! I'd say thats a high B / A!

Congratulations and I hope you get good marks for it!

Can you tell me if this poem is ok?

IS OK

Can you tell me if this poem is ok?

i loved it , understood it and was very impressed.

Can you tell me if this poem is ok?

I think that's cute and adorable. Sounds good to me!!

Can you tell me if this poem is ok?

Its great. I loved it and understood it.

Can you tell me if this poem is ok?

being five is a dream .....where you are free,

So the point of this poem is what?

Only five yrs kids are free?

This poem is hot ,but I dont get it why being five is better than being 15 or 4 or 16?

great words declaring nonsense.

It doesnt talk to me, anyway its only my view.

Can you tell me if this poem is ok?

im impressed! that is nice! i like it.