How do you find this slightly racy poem I made?

We walked up the stairs that misty night,

Struggling, what next? I may, I might.

His hand held mine as we ascended,

Was that a move, was that intended?

鈥淵ou must be quiet, all will hear,鈥?br> I said, on the edge of the bed, in fear.

His hard features melt into a soft grin,

As he pulled his pants down to his shin.

鈥淣o, wait, not here, not now,

This is wrong, I won鈥檛 allow.鈥?br> He glided by and kissed my lips,

And put his hands around my hips.

鈥淚f not now, then when, my dear?

We鈥檝e been together, by now, a year.鈥?br> He played with my hair and stroked my cheek,

I silently hesitate to move or speak.

He was sixteen, and so was I,

We were too in love to ever deny-

鈥淒o I have your permission, is it alright?鈥?br> He was always the gentleman, always polite.

Piece by piece we shredded our clothes,

Peeled off layers to show and expose.

Our hearts thumped louder as we fumbled through,

We bit off more than we could chew.

How do you find this slightly racy poem I made?

Ok, time for me to put in my two cents worth.

The subject, in my opinion, is not one a 15 year old girl should be writing about, or should know enough about to write of it. Having said that, let me add that it the best piece I've read from you yet, I am not disappointed. Good cadence, good rhyme, and even if a little more mature than I think you should be doing, very good story. I look foeward to the completed version. Please don't get TOO graphic. lol

How do you find this slightly racy poem I made?

i love it...total "Spring"

How do you find this slightly racy poem I made?

omg thats so real i was afraid u wer gonna get pregnant LOL thats an awesome poem

How do you find this slightly racy poem I made?

Well, I know what I like, and this isn't it.

Of course, if things go the way they usually do, you and your answerers will attack me for not liking what they do. *sigh*

How do you find this slightly racy poem I made?

That was very nice. Good rhyming, I like it. It's kinda set up like song lyrics...

askaman

How do you find this slightly racy poem I made?

Do you have a day job? If so, don't quit.

How do you find this slightly racy poem I made?

great word structure enjoyed reading it

in regards to stuart's comments...

hey bro you want to make drama go to myspace...

How do you find this slightly racy poem I made?

Very nice. Very well written. Took me back to when I was 16 again, oh those were the days. Great imagery and again, this is very well written. Would love to read some other work.

How do you find this slightly racy poem I made?

I think it's charming, and I compliment you on your careful observance of rhythm.

How do you find this slightly racy poem I made?

The rhythm isn't entirely consistent, but I didn't really notice it; your use of the word "racy" to describe the poem is right on the dot. I liked it :]

How do you find this slightly racy poem I made?

This one I really like . Good job can't wait to read more.