don't say something like "you have too much time on your hands" i found this on the internet and simply copied and pasted it, you can tell i didn't type it all because it's far more than 1000 characters, whoever can answer the most or if it's possible ALL these questions will earn 10 points and most importantly, my respect
BEGIN :)
What's the difference between a novel and a book?
How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?
If humans evolved from monkey's/apes, why are they still here?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? if they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.
Do penguins have knees?
Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?
How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it?
Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?
In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?
Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?
Does a two-humped camel store more water than a one-humped camel?
If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?
Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?
If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?
If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?
Do they call a fortune teller who cant see a "blind seer"?
Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?
Can you cry underwater?
You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?
If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?
Why doesn't flavored gum turn your mouth that color?
If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?
Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?
If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?
If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant,do they have to wear hairnets?
Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :'Caution: May Cause Drowsiness?
Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?
How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time?
If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"?
When the French swear do they say pardon my English?
Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head?
How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they call someone "late" if they died early?
Why are the adjectives 'fast as' and 'slow as' often used in conjunction with hell, is hell slow or fast?
If the serving size on a can of soda is one can, then why is the serving size on the little can one can, too? Wouldn't the little cans be 2 cans?
If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?
Why are red buttons always the most important?
How is chess considered a sport?
Why is it when your sleeping it`s called drool but when your awake its called spit?
If a hermaphrodite got sent to a certain gender prison, which one would it get sent to?
If a teacher were to teach a younger grade than they were teaching before, would they be "degraded"?
If you get chemo-therapy do you lose your pubic hairs?
Would you die if you didn't pee?
Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, even though there are no known audio recordings of the man?
How's come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can. Yet the moment you do anything childish or immature they tell you to grow up.
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
When Jewish People go to Court, they can't swear on the bible, can they?
If marbles are not made of marble, why are they called marbles?
If you dig a hole through the center of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up?
Could you be a closet claustrophobic?
Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them?
If ketchup is good on french fries, how come it isn't good on mashed potatoes?
Where do all the daylight savings hours go?
Why doesn't the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair on your head?
What happens if a black cat walks under a ladder and breaks a mirror?
Why when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new people"?
How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?
Why doesn't broccoli come in a can?
Can you slam a revolving door?
How young can you be, but still die of old age?
What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?
Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
If winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it off his hands? Surely he had spoons?
What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card?
Can you read a picture book?
Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?
Why does it say do not use before work with heavy machinery on the back of childrens tylenol? I mean..really could we save that many people by getting those darn five year-olds with headcolds off those forklifts!
If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror?
if you're on an American airline, and you land in Canada and stay on the plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19?
What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8?
What shape is the sky?
If a Jewish person goes to court and is asked to put their right hand on the Bible, do they use a Torah instead?
Why is it written "May contain traces of peanuts or other kind of nuts" on peanut butter jars. Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves?
If you only have one eye...are you blinking or winking?
If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them?
What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea?
Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic?
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
Here you go, have fun.
What's the difference between a novel and a book? a book can be about anything, like an instructional book, or a picture book but a novel is a storey.
How old are you before it can be said you died of old age? 72
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it? Yes
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth? Probably not
If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket? No, it's a cold hot -pocket
If humans evolved from monkey's/apes, why are they still here? Evolution is a lie, we were created by God
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Moisture, because it can't fully stick until it's dry
Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? if they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries. Robert Stack works for the department of redundancy department.
Do penguins have knees? Yes, tiny short knees
Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?
How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it? No one's ever told me that.
Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway? Sally is six and is not a savy business woman yet. She's still learning.
In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section? Neither, in reference.
Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge? His mom was sleeping around.
Does a two-humped camel store more water than a one-humped camel? No, two small humps hold the same amount as one big hump.
If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk? No.
Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you? Duck is being used as a verb and most verbs aren't offensive, while chicken is saying something about your qualities
If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it? If it turns out you're innocent they should, and if you're not that's ok because your new home is at the prison and you don't have to worry about that door, it's the least of your problems.
If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven? No.
If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy? maybe but it would be so small it would be insignificant.
Do they call a fortune teller who cant see a "blind seer"?
No, if you can see the future you don't use your eyes
Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts? Because people love to give their opinion twice as much as asking for an opinion
Can you cry underwater? Yes
You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them? Not if they have the "we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone" sign too.
If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant? No just African elephant.
Why doesn't flavored gum turn your mouth that color? Blue gumballs do.
If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient? They bring in another set of doctors to work on them both and if they get the sergon up and runing quicker, he can continue.
Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground? Parents aren't perfect.
Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are? yes, but when you're sad you slouch and you're head isn't over your heels anymore.
If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe? She didn't
If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant,do they have to wear hairnets? Not if they are completely bald.
Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :'Caution: May Cause Drowsiness? Because people out there sue over crap like that.
Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on? No.
How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time? Some people can. Like some jazz musicians can breath in their nose and blow out their mouth to play a trumpet.
If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"? Yeah, he's "up" in front of an audience so yeah.
When the French swear do they say pardon my English? Nope, they don't care.
Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head? If they had hearing at one time they may hear the words, but most likely they recall the conversation and see the person and their signs, just like you can recall a person talking to you and invisioning them saying the words.
How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day? Hype. All hype.
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? They're right, if you wait long enough things will materialize in your fridge.
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Transformation not only changes the object but the color too.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Human nature.
Why do they call someone "late" if they died early? I think they call them late no matter if they died early or late or whenever.
Why are the adjectives 'fast as' and 'slow as' often used in conjunction with hell, is hell slow or fast? Hell is multipurpose, it could also mean cold as in "cold as hell" it's a word to use when you don't know what else to use to compare something to.
If the serving size on a can of soda is one can, then why is the serving size on the little can one can, too? Wouldn't the little cans be 2 cans? If you're half as thirsty a half a can will serve as a serving.
If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family? A queen, of course (unless he's the more dominate one then he can be the king and the other can be the queen.
Why are red buttons always the most important? The human eye notices red quickly and red often signifies danger or off limits. It's pretty universal.
How is chess considered a sport? it's a sport of the mind.
Why is it when your sleeping it`s called drool but when your awake its called spit? it's not, it's drool if it runs out of your mouth, awake or asleep, and spit is a noun but is made by the action of spit or spitting.
If a hermaphrodite got sent to a certain gender prison, which one would it get sent to? No one cares.
If a teacher were to teach a younger grade than they were teaching before, would they be "degraded"? degraded is a subjective term, so you would have to ask them how they feel about it.
If you get chemo-therapy do you lose your pubic hairs? Yes, and eyebrows too.
Would you die if you didn't pee? possibly.
Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, even though there are no known audio recordings of the man?
I think everyone invisions a man over 6' 4" to talk in a deep voice like that.
How's come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can. Yet the moment you do anything childish or immature they tell you to grow up. Usually the person or persons who make statement 1 aren't always the same that make statement 2.
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs. The root word of Easter has to do with being fertle and eggs and birth, you should google it for complete history of Easter.
When Jewish People go to Court, they can't swear on the bible, can they? They CAN,the question is what does it mean.
If marbles are not made of marble, why are they called marbles? The swirling marks inside are like that of marble. and possibly at one time maybe they were made from marble, I don't know.
If you dig a hole through the center of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up? YOu would fall back down to the center.
Could you be a closet claustrophobic? Yes.
Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them? Why would they need to be treated for it?
If ketchup is good on french fries, how come it isn't good on mashed potatoes? Have you tried it? Then how would you know?
Where do all the daylight savings hours go? it evens out.
Why doesn't the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair on your head? Intelligent design: God knew it would s-ck for us if all our hair grew like that.
What happens if a black cat walks under a ladder and breaks a mirror? He's fine but looses his 7 lives.
Why when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
Most folks want to stay and make a vacation out of it and bring along three comforts fot the stay.
Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new people"? Well maybe we should start.
How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt? It's just gloves thy're not attached, he can take them off.
Why doesn't broccoli come in a can? Nobody eats it as it is, why go through the trouble of putting it in a can.
Can you slam a revolving door? Yes, it will do no good.
How young can you be, but still die of old age? Didn't you already ask this?
What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder? Enter from one side, get the clover and then back up so you don't actually pass all the way under it.
Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils? no and no.
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? yeah you asked this one already too.
If winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it off his hands? Surely he had spoons? It's more fun that way, besides he wasn't that civilized, he didn't ever wear pants.
What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card? Hopefully you don't get an infection.
Can you read a picture book? yes.
Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets? it is usually so thick it doesn't need shaking except to expel it from the bottle.
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? The second tTuesday of every other month.
Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism? only if you eat her upper half.
Why does it say do not use before work with heavy machinery on the back of childrens tylenol? I mean..really could we save that many people by getting those darn five year-olds with headcolds off those forklifts! Child labor is cruel.
If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror? You will be able to see yourself since the goggles amplify the available light.
if you're on an American airline, and you land in Canada and stay on the plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19? It stays 21.
What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8? We all laugh then cry.
What shape is the sky? spherical-ish.
If a Jewish person goes to court and is asked to put their right hand on the Bible, do they use a Torah instead? This one is a reapeat.
Why is it written "May contain traces of peanuts or other kind of nuts" on peanut butter jars. Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves? Once again, people sue over these kinds of things so yes, it has to be on there.
If you only have one eye...are you blinking or winking? just blinking.
If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them? well you could shoot other stuff, not just them.
What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea? I can't judge something I have no knowledge of.
Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic? It just sounded good.
Ok I missed one, so what?
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
Actually most or all couldn't be answered unless you really had a very legitimate answer.
But most of them are so true.
On a wooden chair, why are they called rungs when in reality they are wooden dowels?
Why do you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?
Why do you get toast out of a toaster when it is still bread?
Is there truly adhesive on cassette or VCR tapes?
Why do bald people with a few strands on their head go and get a haircut?
MJ
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
just went blind, sorry
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
i really wanted the ten points, but i can't answer any of your questions - do you think i'm dumb?
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
Great question's, some I've asked myself... Alot these are the on'es that make ya go Hmmmmmm.
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
novels are longer
until you look old
yes they do
no they dont
yes it is
because some got left behind
because its wet
ask them
no they dont
people just do
prolly the other side
cos they ran out
both
cos he is young
no
no
different meaning
yes
no
no
yes
we just do
no
no
yes
because she never did
people are often stupid
yes
no
no
no
yes
maybe
i dont know
no you cant
yes you would
ok im bored now hope that helps
happy new year
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
Bo0o0o0oM!!!
sorry my computer had jst blew up...
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
What's the difference between a novel and a book? a novel is a story that is in move seqennce. a book can be anything with paper in it.
How old are you before it can be said you died of old age? You die of old age when you just die for no reason.
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it? Yes, people might come late.
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth? No you need to buy that separtely
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
WAY 2 much work for 10 points... i'll just take my 2 thank u very much!
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
haha agree with tristan29 above me
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
way too long and involved for me
tired !!
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
a novel is a story and book could be like infomation
till you have wrinkles
legally the might have to show the movie.
no they would just earn the surface.
we only involed from a certain breed of monkey the others are different breeds.
glue doesn't stick to the inside because there is no air there.
because they start off as unsolved mysteries
no penguins don't have kness.
its called going off because thats the idea going behind it to turn it off.
because ur not block the exsit
because its a tounge twister
they don't put the bible in either
because he has square pants
no they would store the same
no you don't get spoiled milk.
because chicken means ur scared and duck doesn't
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
Are u token from South Park?
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
at least i made an effort to read it and realised that:
There is not supposed to be a perfect answer cos its trying to make fun of english literature and human psychology
There are 3 repeated questions, namely
- Looking in the refridgerator ( I always hope my Mom buys something back or i forgot i had bought something neat)
- Dying of old age (Died naturally when you reach elderly i.e. 65)
- Jew in court (Tis just a procedure even I have to do that while i'm a buddhist they don't give me a sculpture)
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
I answered a couple. I would have done more, but this is starting to get boring.
What's the difference between a novel and a book?
A novel is a book that tells a story, and is usually read for pleasure. A novel is a book, but a book is not necessarily a novel. A book could be a textbook, a children's book, a picture book, etc.
How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?
People who die of old age just pass away in thier sleep, not due to a disease or illness. So really, anyone over the age of 60 can die of old age, its just more common in people over about 80.
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
They do. In case someone comes late, plus they usually make an agreement with production companies that sell the movies that they will play the movie so many times per week, whether anyone is watching or not.
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
You do, because your deed more than likely says you have mineral rights, its standard in most all states.
If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?
It is still a "Hot Pocket" as that is the name of the product, not a reference to it's temperature.
If humans evolved from monkey's/apes, why are they still here?
Humans and modern apes evolved from a common ancestor, which probably no longer exists. But aside from that, even if human did evolve from the same apes that exist today, the apes still exist because only a small number of them experienced the mutations that gave rise to humans.
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Glue has a solvent in it, and when it evaporates the glue stick to whatever you glued together. In the bottle the solvents can't evaporate. Leave the top off the glue bottle overnight and see if the glue sticks to the bottle
Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? if they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.
because there were some things that were mysteries for years and then were solved and there are some that are still unsolved
Do penguins have knees?
Yes. Penguins appear to have very short legs and no knees because only the lower leg is externally visible. Their knees and upper legs are feather covered, hiding them from view.
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
What's the difference between a novel and a book?
a novel is usually fiction
How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?
50, you have had to made it to the top of the hill.
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
yes, but that's if you believe what they tell you
If winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it off his hands? Surely he had spoons?
And what fingers would he hold the sppon with..besides..addicts their fix fast..they'd skip the extra step.
How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt? Very carefully
Why doesn't broccoli come in a can? you'd get two pieces to fit in a can literally.
Is eating a mermaid considering cannabailsm?
If you eat anything above the waist. then yes.
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
No only a few hundred or so feet down.
If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?
damn skippy.
If humans evolved from monkey's/apes, why are they still here?
we didn't.
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
it needs to be open to air or friction
Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? if they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.
To grab you.
Do penguins have knees?
I think not.
Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?
It's going off on your azz to wake the fu*k up!
How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it?
You'll block it physically.
Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?
Sally strung them on string.
In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?
they put it in Religous texts and documents.
Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?
two rounds don't make a right. ha
Does a two-humped camel store more water than a one-humped camel?
no the humps are fat
If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?
hella yeah
Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?
duck is a more noble bird than a chicken and also an action.
If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
If you are a criminal ..nope
If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?
there's no need for food in heaven
If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?
yes and destroy your heart
You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them? Nope.
If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?
only if he is put in slavery for many years
Why doesn't flavored gum turn your mouth that color?
becuase it's flavour
If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
If he died..he's dead..
Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?
It's a subliminal threat as to what will happen if they don't fall asleep quickly. .
Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?
because if we were heels over head we'd be down..or dead..
If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe? she uses soda.
If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant,do they have to wear hairnets? .nope.
Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :'Caution: May Cause Drowsiness? just one of those things ..
Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?
oh yea
How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time?
He's like a very obese person.
If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"? Yes because when the audience applauses they will stand up.
When the French swear do they say pardon my English?
no they say: pardonnez moi englais
Do they call a fortune teller who cant see a "blind seer"?
nope
Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?
your thought aren't as important as your two cents in. We don't always say what we are thinking..so what we say costs more
Can you cry underwater?
yup// titanic.
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
What's the difference between a novel and a book?
A novel is a type of book
How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?
Well, I'm 47 and they haven't said it yet
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
Sure, why not
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
Sure, why not
If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?
NMI
If humans evolved from monkey's/apes, why are they still here?
Nobody told them they are obsolete
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
It's still wet
Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? if they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.
Only to the people who didn't understand the solution
Do penguins have knees?
No, they're birds
Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?
No, it's not coming on, it's been ticking away all night
How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it?
Because they might want to run faster
Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?
She had a gimmick
In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?
Reference section
Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?
He was genetically modified
Does a two-humped camel store more water than a one-humped camel?
Depends on the size of the humps
If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?
No, you get better milk
Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?
Duck is an instruction, chicken is just a name
If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
**** no! They're federal agents
If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?
They got everything in Heaven
If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?
Get a life
Do they call a fortune teller who cant see a "blind seer"?
Who's this "they" you keep referring to?
Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?
Because I'm generous
Can you cry underwater?
Yes, but no one will hear you
You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?
Only if it was on no pants night
If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?
Only if it gets citizenship
Why doesn't flavored gum turn your mouth that color?
What colour?
If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
If the doctor's dead, there doesn't seem much point. Does it?
Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?
Because babies don't understand English.
Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?
Yes it is, and it's a stupid expression
If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?
In blood
If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant,do they have to wear hairnets?
No
Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :'Caution: May Cause Drowsiness?
Because some people take them to get high, and then operate heavy machinery
Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?
Get a life
How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time?
He only talks when he's breathing out
If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"?
Only if he's getting married and the bride doesn't show
When the French swear do they say pardon my English?
No, they speak French
Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head?
Depends if they know what the words sound like
How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day?
Advertising
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Because the little man who lives in the fridge told them to
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Actually they're not
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Checking wet paint just makes your finger sticky, counting four billion stars could send you blind
Why do they call someone "late" if they died early?
Same reason they call someone "late" if they died on time, or late
Why are the adjectives 'fast as' and 'slow as' often used in conjunction with hell, is hell slow or fast?
I dunno, never been, maybe they're idiots like you
If the serving size on a can of soda is one can, then why is the serving size on the little can one can, too? Wouldn't the little cans be 2 cans?
Only if there were two of them
If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?
dead
Why are red buttons always the most important?
They're not
How is chess considered a sport?
It's not
Why is it when your sleeping it`s called drool but when your awake its called spit?
Actually, I thought it was called "sleeping" and "being awake"
If a hermaphrodite got sent to a certain gender prison, which one would it get sent to?
A hermaphrodite isn't an it
If a teacher were to teach a younger grade than they were teaching before, would they be "degraded"?
Why didn't you call the non-gender specific teacher an it?
If you get chemo-therapy do you lose your pubic hairs?
Yes I do
Would you die if you didn't pee?
I'm gonna die whether I pee or not. But it's more comfortable to pee
Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, even though there are no known audio recordings of the man?
What man?
How's come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can. Yet the moment you do anything childish or immature they tell you to grow up.
Because children should be seen and not heard. Like you
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
Because the Easter chicken got killed crossing the road
When Jewish People go to Court, they can't swear on the bible, can they?
Most of it, they can. Just rip out the New Testament
If marbles are not made of marble, why are they called marbles?
To save confusion between marbles and marble
If you dig a hole through the center of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up?
Down, back to the centre, where you would either melt or implode, which is what should have happened the first time
Could you be a closet claustrophobic?
Most are
Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them?
Get actors who pretend to be interested in what the counsellor is saying
If ketchup is good on french fries, how come it isn't good on mashed potatoes?
Because nothing is good on mashed potato, it sucks
Where do all the daylight savings hours go?
To the other side of the world
Why doesn't the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair on your head?
When did you last check my armpits?
What happens if a black cat walks under a ladder and breaks a mirror?
The tradesman usually kicks it
Why when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
Maybe they're scared of sharks
Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new people"?
Because old is the opposite of new and also young, In this case they are young people
How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?
He puts corks on the fingers of his left hand
Why doesn't broccoli come in a can?
Broccoli is a vegetable. Vegetables don't come
Can you slam a revolving door?
Yeah, sure why not. Make sure there's someone in it.
How young can you be, but still die of old age?
Ask a doctor
What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?
Step on it
Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils?
Yes, unless it's a woman
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
I believe I already answered that question
If winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it off his hands? Surely he had spoons?
Yeah, but he couldn't hold them. Y'know, being a bear
What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card?
Live with it
Can you read a picture book?
Considering a picture speaks a thousand words, then yes
Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets?
Because ketchup bottles are glass, and you can't squeeze them
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
You got me there
Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?
Only if it's done by a mermaid
Why does it say do not use before work with heavy machinery on the back of childrens tylenol? I mean..really could we save that many people by getting those darn five year-olds with headcolds off those forklifts!
No but those drug addicted forklifting tylenol freaks need a warning, just in case
If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror?
Never used them, but I believe they operate with infra red, which is light, and would be detected by the goggles
if you're on an American airline, and you land in Canada and stay on the plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19?
I would say it would stay at 21
What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8?
No idea what you're talking about
What shape is the sky?
round
If a Jewish person goes to court and is asked to put their right hand on the Bible, do they use a Torah instead?
No. I already told you
Why is it written "May contain traces of peanuts or other kind of nuts" on peanut butter jars. Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves?
This is America you're talking about, right?
If you only have one eye...are you blinking or winking?
Depends how many eyelids you have
If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them?
Only if you're already pointing at them
What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea?
Something else entirely
Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic?
It's not. It's only called a republic when it's a republic, like now
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
if someone owns a peice of land they do not own it too deep down; the rest belongs to the government.
All done
Person to answer the most of these questions (or all) wins 10 points?
1)A Novels Shorter Than A Book And There Is Different Types Of Book And Only One Type Of Novel
2)Any Age
3)Yes They Have To
4)No They Only Own The LAND
5)Yes
6)They Didnt Have Time To Fully Evolve
7)Cause Not Alot Of Glue Sticks To Plastic/Glass
8)Hence It Being Called Unsolved Mysteries
9)No They Just Have Legs
10)Cause If There Was A Emergency That Was A Women In A Labour She Would Need To Get Out Fast Using The Emergency Exit And You Wouldnt Need To Go Out So You Would Need To Not Be There
11)They May Have Being Painted Or Special
12)Neither
13)Cause Its A Cartoon
14)Yes
15)Ha Ha
16)Cause Duck Has Two Meanings
17)I Dont Think They Do (Depends If You Have Insurance I Think)
18)No
19)No Thats Ridiculous
20)No Just A Fortune Teller
21)Dont Ask Me Ask Them
22)Yes You Just Have No Tears
23)Whos Gonna Go In With No Pants
24)No Cause They Cant Change Their Accent And Theyre Animals
25) A Special Chemical Thats In Gum
26)The Patient Cause The Other Doctor Is Dead
27)Cause Its Soothing To The Baby
28)Languages Are Crazy
29)She Didnt Cause Her Face Paint Would Come Off
30)Yes Because Its Hygene
31)Cause If You Dont Realise Theyre Sleeping Pills Youll Know Now
32)No Thats Crazy Talk
33)Its A Talent Of His
34) No They Call It A Sit down
35)No
36)Both
37)Hes Intelligent
38)They Dont
39)A Chemical
40)Cause They Can Check The Paint They Can't Check The Stars
41)Cause They May Have A Low Life Expectancy
42)Any Way To Use The Word Hell People Will Use It
43)No
44)He Is Still The Queen
45)Cause Red As A Colour Simbols Danger Or Importance
46)Chess Is A Hobby Not A Sport
47)Because You Cant Help Drooling But You Can Help Spitting
48)The One It Felt Most Comfortable In
49)No
50)Yes
51)Yes
52)Cause Thats A Old American Accent
53)Cause They Should Be More Mature At A Higher Age
54)Cause A Easter Duck Would Be Stupid
55)No
56)Because They Used To Be Made Out Of Marble
57)Youd Be Caught In The Middle
58)Yes
59)By Counseling Themselves
60)Cause Fries Have A Saltier Texture
61) A Magic Black Hole
62)Less Light
63)The Unluckiness Overcomes The Black Cat
64)Because They May Not Be Able To Drive A Boat
65)God Knows (Ask Him)
66)By Struggling
67)Cause It Would Go All Wrinkly
68)No
69)Youve Already Asked Me This
70)Cry
71)Which Pupils
72)Youve Asked This Aswell
73)Because He Might Like The Taste Of Hand-Honey
74)Your Very Unlucky
75)No
76)Cause You Can Squeeze To Get The Last Drop Out Of Ketchup Packets But You Cant To A Bottle
77)No
78)You Get Half The Punishment
79)You Never Know
80)You Can Barely See Anything
81)Changes To 19
82)It Gets Boring
83)It Dont Have A Shape
84)Depends If Its A Christian Court
85)You May No Know Its Peanut Butter
86)Both
87)Yes
88)Ask God
89)Its Just A Name
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