Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Is this ok for a personal statement, i am in year 11 and just about to go to college?

Personal Statement 閳?Kadie Bark



My name is Kadie Bark, I'm 15 years old and i am currently attending The Sheffield Springs Academy. I'm a pretty friendly, kind and patient person, and i am known to be bubbly and sociable, also i find it very easy to get on with people. I have a range of skills including:



Numeracy



Literacy



Computers



My creative instincts



I'm practical



Hard working



Dependable



I'm quick learner



I'd say that my biggest strength was probably creative writing/writing to describe as this is the area that i do better in and i enjoy the most.



My punctuality and attendance has been a little sketchy in the past, but over the past six months or so it has improved greatly and i aim to improve it even more.



I have a pretty good relationship with teachers and pupils. I get along with most pupils in our school and have never had any trouble in the past. I think my teachers would agree that i am a sensible student who at times can get a little distracted, but is dedicated to completing work/tasks.



My favourite subject in school would have to be English, as i enjoy writing, especially creative, and i love to read also. Another subject that i enjoy is Art, as i like learning new techniques and applying what i have learned to a piece of work.



I have been on a few school trips before, the main one being when a small group of pupils went on a trip to France, Normandy. While we were there we looked into the historical aspects of the city by visiting famous landmarks, such as the Bayeux War Cemetery. I have also taken part in school events such as the annual sports day.



While i was taking part in work experience, my job title was 'Nursery Assistant', the tasks which i had to fulfil include watching out for the children's safety at all times, making sure they were never bored and always had something productive to do and helping them settle down if they became upset, etc. The skills i gained from this experience are valuable life skills which will come in very handy in the future. I learned how to act around children, what to do in certain situations. For example if a child was misbehaving, they would have to apologise and have a five minute time out before rejoining the other children.



I think my relationship with both the children and staff was pretty good. The staff never had a problem with how i was working and at the end of my work experience they thanked me for doing such a great job. Also the children were sad to see me leave.



I did not actually get invited back to work at the nursery as if i was to have a official staff position there i would need to have some qualifications. And although i enjoyed my work experience, i don't think i will pursue working in a nursery as a career option.



When i am not at school there are a number of different things that i like to do including hanging out with friends, going to the Cinemas, going Bowling, Skating, making promotional graphics for websites, talking to friends on msn, moderating and posting in forums, etc.



I recently had a part time (Saturday) job at a hair salon, sweeping hair up, making tea, washing the customers hair, but i stepped down as i wanted to spend more time on coursework/revision.



My favourite way to spend my free time would be hanging out, and talking to friends as i feel it is very important to have a healthy social life.



I am also pretty into books and reading. My favourite book is Guitar Girl by Sarra Manning as i like her quick and witty style of writing. I also enjoy books from Meg Cabot as she has a similar style of writing. The books that i read are mainly teen oriented, but i do like to read other books now and again.



In the future i plan on going to college and taking part in a full time English Literature course and English Language course. Other courses i am interested in taking are Photography, Music, I.T and Health and Social Care.



I have not really made any ambitions yet as i am still trying to work out which career path i want to take.



My hopes for the future are that i will have figured out what i want to do in life, and i will have passed all of my chosen courses and i will be happily settled in a well paid job.



Is this ok for a personal statement, i am in year 11 and just about to go to college?

Hi Kadie, you've done a fantastic job, you are honest and believable and seem very genuine. Like eiremanne says, I would change the bit that says hanging out, there are 2 other things I would change - firstly, don't say 'I have not really made any ambitions yet', I would just take that bit out,and delete the word 'pretty' all the way through - just say you are good at things, it reads better that way. Other than that, its really great, well done! Best of luck.



Is this ok for a personal statement, i am in year 11 and just about to go to college?

HI Kadie,



This is fantastic, you are certainly very creative in your writing when i left school my personal statement consisted of "I want to have "a nice husband And 4 Kids" Lol.



The only thing i would change would be the wording "Hanging out with my friends" to something like socialising with my friends as hanging out sounds like standing on street corners!



Good luck with your future



Jens XxX



Is this ok for a personal statement, i am in year 11 and just about to go to college?

Yes it's pretty good: but probably leave out the bit about "sketchy punctuality" if you don't need to say it why bother.



Is this ok for a personal statement, i am in year 11 and just about to go to college?

I am delighted you did not go for a writing style that is terse nor stark. You have developed your thoughts well and manage the language very well, indeed. You are clearly going to be an asset to the world here at some point, and I am not making fun. Thank you very much for posting your personal statement. It hardly needs to be corrected. What needs to happen is all of your teachers need to be given a great big hug for having done so well by you! Best to you, always. - Chris.



Is this ok for a personal statement, i am in year 11 and just about to go to college?

I didn't read all of it, but if you're wanting to use this to apply to college, I would make one MAJOR change.



The word "I" is ALWAYS capitalized, it should never be lowercase. Hope it helps.



Is this ok for a personal statement, i am in year 11 and just about to go to college?

Your ambition should take you through. I wish you the very best of luck. You probably wont need it.



Is this ok for a personal statement, i am in year 11 and just about to go to college?

this is a good statement. rather than listing the skills that you have try and fit them into sentences somehow. try and rewrite the last lines from 'i have not really...' as many people might think that because of this you are not going to put as much effort into college, than if you did have ambitions and knew where you were heading in life



hope this helps



Is this ok for a personal statement, i am in year 11 and just about to go to college?

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