Sunday, July 12, 2009

Am I over reacting?

My bf %26amp; I have been friends for 25 yrs. She has a 28 yr old daughter. I have a 28 yr old daughter %26amp; a 25 yr old son. Her daughter calls me her aunt %26amp; my kids her cousins and vice versa. Because she is my friend I have made a point of being involved in her child's life. She didn't do the same. My daughter is somewhat difficult to get close to, other friends have managed. Her daughter is getting married. I鈥檝e helped w/ center pieces %26amp; my husband %26amp; I gave her %26amp; her fianc茅 a couples shower (dinner, cocktails, the works). After invitations went out I was telling my bf what my kids getting her daughter for a wedding gift. She told me my kids were not invited. She explained that they were having to cut costs %26amp; had to cross some people off the list. I didn't agree w/ it, but I wanted to be a gf and be understanding. I let it go. Then I find out they invited their hairstylist who is NOT going to be doing their hair. I'm very hurt %26amp; she doesn't understand. I was supposed to help decorated, etc. the day of. I think I鈥檝e already done enough. Am I wrong?



Am I over reacting?

No way your wrong! Friendship is give and take and it sounds like taking is all your friend has done! For years!



It also sounds as though she takes you very much for granted and certainly needs a wake up call. Who else is gonna be as good to her and her family as you have? Let her know how you feel and if she doesn't understand...oh well...you've wasted enough time.Find a friend who will appreciate your goodness.



Am I over reacting?

Whoah...are you calling this guy your bf, but didn't you mention your husband ("%26amp; my husband %26amp; I gave her...")?



Anyway, I do think that it was a little rude for your children not to be invited, especially if they're friends to a certain extent.



Am I over reacting?

I don't think so. I mean you never know what her exact relationship is to this hairstylist...they could be bosom bows and you just don't know. Perhaps she's the one that hooked the bride and groom up in the beggining? But on the surface of things it definately sounds a little strange.



I wouldn't go running the bride with "how unfair are you!" confrontations but if they ask why you are acting hurt be honest with your feelings. Just explain that you don't understand why the daughter's hairstylist is being chosen above her long time friend.



Am I over reacting?

Wow, that is a tough situation. Sometimes in life there is a lot going on and we become so focused on our own life that we lose sight of what is really important. That is what it sounds like your friend is going through. It may seem like you value your friendship more than she does, but that is probably not the case.



Since you have been friends for so long, why not talk to her about how you feel. I would start by saying something about how you are so happy for her daughter and are really glad to help but it hurt my feelings that you invited so and so but not my children. Let her know that it made you feel like your family is not as important to her as other people who are non family. Let her know that you consider her family and your children feel the same. You understand about cutting costs but feel this is a bit too harsh.



Maybe you can find a compromise. Such as, as the RSVPs come in, if there are people that can not attend, maybe your children can be on the B list. Or maybe offer to pay for your childrens plates. (But don't let the kids know!)



Anyway I hope it works out, you've been friends too long to let this come between you. Good luck!



Am I over reacting?

Its her loss that you and your kids aren't going to be there.



I've learned, you're friends will always hurt you.



Am I over reacting?

I think it's kind of rude! for you to throw the party and not to make some room for your two kids? but then again, is she inviting any other friends kids? if yes, then I'd be very upset.



Am I over reacting?

Yes and no. I understand that you are hurt, and justifiably so because you have done so much and acted more like a real aunt than a family friend.



BUT to say your "kids" are not invited, well....that's a double edged sword. Technically your kids are adults and should be given their own invitations, hopefully they're telling other friends to leave their "kids" at home. BUT seeing how your friendship has worked over the years to mutual benefit, I hope, I see where you're hurt. I don't think you're overreacting. If you decide not to help anymore, explain to her that you thought you and the kids were like family, and after you gave them the shower, etc you've done enough. Remember, though - everything you do for the bride should be be for the bride - not because her mother expects you to do it.



Annie - in this post, I read bf to mean best friend not boyfriend :)



Am I over reacting?

you are not wrong



Am I over reacting?

I don't think you are over reacting at all. After all you have bent over backwards for your friend and she should at least have tried to do the same for you and your children. You have every right to be upset with your friend. If your friend doesn't understand your feelings about this, then maybe she isn't really a friend.



Am I over reacting?

The question here is how close is her daughter to your daughter? You said your friend didn't make an effort to get to know your daughter. I'm assuming your friend's daughter didn't know your daughter very well then either. It makes sense not to invite your daughter (even if it feels insulting to you) if the bride doesn't know your daughter very well, especially if they're cutting costs. As for the hairdresser- maybe she's an old friend of the bride. When it comes down to it, it's the bride's call, not yours or your friend's, so don't hold her decisions against your friend.



Am I over reacting?

Sincerely...............ouch!!! that's so bad........ it's unbelievable that some people don't have brains and common sense or a bit of intelligence...... your friend is, I mean to me, she's not cool at all by doing that, c'mon! I would totally understand if your kids were "kids", cause I know the Little ones are a pest in the weddings, but this is not the case, your kids are adults....I really don't know what to do, because personally I am hurt already, that is not right at all.



But you know what, I would go probably only to the ceremony, not to the Reception, I could not be happy at all and celebrate with her.



I'm sorry, I think that that would be the only thing I could do.



You can excuse yourself on this, invent something, a relative is coming to town or whatever!!! so she will find someone else to decorate. Don't feel bad about this, you are just responding to a mistreating. If she mention if it's because your kids, tell her of course not, I got stuck with other event with the family, sorry...................and that's it.



I;m very sorry, I don't think she has brain my friend, I am very surprised that after 25 years of friendship..............God!!



Am I over reacting?

Let it go...Life is TOO short... It was YOUR choice to do the very generous things you have done for you bf's daughter.. You could simply say "I thought you felt as if my children were family and I feel hurt" BUT do your children even care or is it just you... Who knows what type of financial stress they were under a wedding after all is a HUGE expense... And it may not have been your bf making the decision it could have been her daughter and son in law... Let her know how you feel and that you are hurt BUT then let it go... I would not let it come between a 25 year friendship!!! That is a long time... I do feel for you however...



Am I over reacting?

Lets just say this when "weddings" go on it's like a Broadway play that never happens in reality. People go "NUTS" and rightfully so it is an exciting event and the main persons are the Bride and the Groom everybody else is second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth..........get it. Don't react, let this one go. Although your kids a very important to you, they are not to her at this time, however; you can bring the kids home a big piece of cake. One should help out another because it's what they want to do, not conditional. I have went to and given much; wedding showers, baby showers, I have crochet baby blankets, outfits, booties, gifts, gifts and gifts more. Some of us have gotten married and received nothing, not even a card dear. If you think you have done enough then maybe you have.



Am I over reacting?

I'm not having kids at my wedding except those who are in the bridal party (i.e. they are the only children in our family)



My father is paying for the food, it's 8.95 a person..whereas I'd love to have more people at the wedding, i have to respect my father's wishes...



Anyways, her and her hairstylist may have a great friendship.



No offense intended at all..



EDIT: My bad, i didn't catch they were older, im sorry...but none the less...how well did the kids know each other?



Am I over reacting?

no your not wrong for anything because she really showed her true colors and i know you felt like you were being usedyou have been there before the boyfriend the thought of a boyfriend even before she went to school she was only 3yrs.old that was really wrong of her .she really lost a goog friend know the realist aunt she ever had aunty in-law what ever dont live off up that cause yhat ugly.



Am I over reacting?

Your he/she boyfriend, husband? I'm so confused!



Am I over reacting?

That is really strange. If her kids consider your kids their cousins and are close with them, then why weren't they invited. As I see it, you have two choices. Both hard. 1) go ahead and still help out with the wedding or 2) don't do anything else to help because you are hurt, but understand that by doing this, you will probaly lose her friendship. Could you sit her down and talk to her. Maybe it is a money issue. I'm really not sure what to say about the hairdresser thing though. Because I would definately invite friends and people I consider family before I invited my hairdresser.



Am I over reacting?

no, you are 100 per cent right.

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